Revised last six month
This isn’t the original post created a few days ago. I didn’t like the tone of that one. Here’s the revised version.
I’m in the middle of my Saturn Return. If you don’t know what that is, do a search on google. Since my birthday it’s been non-stop. I’ve gotten my ass kicked by it, but I’m thankful for the process. Part of the process has involved going to seminars. Self-evolving seminars. It feels really good. Here’s a summary.
Jan 05: Life Directions (peakpotentials.com) involved seeking and integrating my life’s mission into my day-to-day life.
Feb 05: Guerilla Business School (peakpotentials.com). OK got my mission. Now, how do I do that in a way I can support myself and make lots of money doing what I love? That’s what I learned here. And it kicked of an earnest interest in learning about business and marketing and selling and stuff like that. Fun fun fun!
March 05: Enlightened Warrior Training (peakpotentials.com) This was the course that totally kicked my ass and changed me for the rest of my life! I am amazing. Everyone is amazing. Too bad few people realize that. This course helped me to know that as truth and to recognize the infinite potential that I carry within me. Blew my mind. The most significant thing I brought home with me is how powerful it is to be part of a community and how important it is to me that my work serve my relations.
May 05: Sex Passion and Enlightenment (warriorsage.com) Based on David Deida’s work, this is another that blew my mind. Transformed me on a soul level. If Enlightened Warrior brought out my masculine, SPE totally put me in my feminine. Now I’m practicing how to switch seamlessly between the two. Not as easy as it sounds. Both are useful, though, so it is a skill I seek to master.
June 05: Illumination Intensive (warriorsage.com). This one took every aspect of my life, my perceptions and all I consider to be sacred, and destroyed them. And then I got back home, and the things that reflect my deepest truth have become more deeply embedded in me… more sacred, but those facets of my life that have I returned to and now feel hollow have begun to gently fall away from me. Their illusion has been revealed to me.
Oh. And it also set off my Kundalini Awakening. “Shake it up baby, now!”
The only way I can possibly describe how it has felt for me to attend all of these events at such a rapid pace is to compare it to Clark Kent going into the phone booth and then turning into Superman (Life Directions). But then Superman goes into the phone booth and turns into…? Lex Luther (Guerilla Biz)? And then Lex goes in and turns into…? Mage (Warrior) from X-Men (ain’t that the truth. I have never been as empathic as I am now… It’s crazy). And then Mage goes in and turns into Jessica Rabbit (SPE). Then Jessica goes in and turns into Anakin Skywalker (Illumination). Or a very cantankerous Buddha. Or “Everyman”. One of those. I can’t tell. It changes moment to moment. That’s where I am now.
So. Where does that put me now. I don’t know. I’m in the middle of it and I just realized this evening that I have no capability of grasping what’s up and what’s down when I’m in the middle of it. LIfe is always perspective, anyway. I hesitate to write much more than this because it’s all mental masturbation anyway.
Don’t ask me about acting. I think I’m about to leap into something that scares the shit out of me, but at least I can finally see that that’s what’s been going on with me. I finally admit that. So I say to my mind, “Thank you for sharing” and I’m going to keep going. Just one step in front of the other. If it still doesn’t feel right, I won’t do it. But if it just feels “hard to do”… well that’s not going to stop me.
So the most important thing for me to say is to ask for prayer that I get out of my own way.
I don’t know. I feel. And it’s getting to be tiresome to do anything but be in the present moment. Feel into the present moment. And it’s a relief to finally admit that.
